Yet Again

This is probably not the first post about money and how bloody dissatisfied I am about my worse than pitiful nano pay. Yes, I strongly believe that incentives and a better salary influence employees' motivation to work. I checked the fucking system to see if they did any deductions because obviously the numbers didn't change. It's still, what I call, pathetic. I thought I was supposed to get a little bit more cos I've gotten my masters. Hell no! I may be illiterate when it concerns numbers but the numbers are still the same for as long as I can remember. What am I to do? I'm dumbfounded. Shamed. Broken.

Employee Seeking for Employment

Everytime I try to do hanky panky stuff, I'll get caught. Just got caught yesterday. Not that I care anyway cos I don't have the will to fight to be here anymore. I'm hunting for jobs and I seriously think not being a lecturer is a good thing, considering the fact that I have a temper that sometimes land me in trouble haha. Few months back as I was browsing through FB, I came across a friend who studied culinary arts. And I was thinking how stupid I am not to take up this course last time. I could have my own restaurant or bakery some day and my mom's hard work would not go to waste. I can make her the Chief Chef (if there's such a term) of my restaurant. And then I was also considering working behind desks or behind scenes. The kind of work where I don't have to deal with whiny students. Now I kinda regret it. And I was offered RM250 to private tutor a student for 36 hours. IELTS, for God's sake. You think it's for kindy level, is it? You think I'm doing fucking charity? I turned down the offer anyway. Now, I'm open to options. I just want to find happiness in life while earning money. Sales, no. Barista, no. Clerk, no. What else? I'm still searching.

Speak No Evil

You don't have to throw a stink bomb on someone to get into a fight. You just have to hurl hurtful, degrading words onto someone's face. Words can be beautiful and ugly at the same time. Use words wisely and the world will worship you. Over the years, I've wrecked myself and others with bad words. And I get what I gave too. Sometimes, I think remaining silent is the best way to avoid conflicts, though it may lead to misunderstanding. Human beings are complex creatures who create complex situations in life! Why can words, regardless of whether they are true or not, be passed on and not positive mentality? I think I'll adopt the third rule: Speak no evil. I'll just keep it to myself for the sake of others. I'm not a saint, I'm just helping to restore and retain peace. We need moments of silence, just for the heart to rest.

Aging

In the blink of an eye, September has ended and it's now October. This month is full of important dates. And one of them is my anniversary =) Time just flew by and I can barely catch up LOL. One thing for sure, I'm not that fit for karate training anymore. Just few weeks ago, I got an injury on my right ankle. Last week, I got bruises all over my right knuckle and my right foot! I even fell down. Damn embarrassed but I pretended that it never happened hahaha. Come to think of it, I guess it's time to start taking all sorts of supplements already. Always thinking of buying essence of chicken but never really set foot in the pharmacy. Healthy diet starts this weekend! Haha.

Shontelle - Say Hello to Goodbye

Right now, i can only think of this song which perfectly describe how i'm feeling.

Hey there stranger, how you been
Feels like i'm standing on the outside looking in
at the mess we left behind
And it's a long way to fall
I gave you everything I had
I gave it all
And then my heart was on the line

I can't hate you
any longer
I know i'm going to miss you
I'll forget it and let it go.

Say hello to goodbye, cuse its gone forever
No more try, you and I
Not now, not ever
And i'll get by without you
I'm not going back again
I'm not going to lie to you
Cuse, that was there and only then.

Say hello to goodbye
Say hello..

And this is how it has to be
Cuse' its a deadly combination, you and me
You know its undeniable
Even though we tried it all
We brought the worst out in each other
I recall
We can't act it anymore

What doesn't kill you
It makes you stronger
And though i'm going to miss you
I'll forget it and let you go

Say hello to good-bye
Its gone forever
No more try, you and I
Not now, not ever
And i'll get by without you
I'm not going back again
I'm not going to lie to you
Cos, that was there and only then.

Say hello to goodbye
Say hello..

And even though the tears will dry
I can't completely disconnect
Couldn't make the compromise
Didn't have a safety net

Say hello to goodbye
heeey ya ya

Say hello, goodbye

Say hello to good-bye
Its gone forever
No more try, you and I
Not now, not ever
And i'll get by without you
I'm not going back again
I'm not going to lie to you
Cuse, that was there and only then.

Say hello, to goodbye
Say hello, to goodbye
Say hello, hello
to goodbye.

Money and Time are Rivals

Whoa~~ it's been a while! Things are getting better and faster, more exciting than I thought hahaha. Many things happened over the last few weeks (close to a month). The most important highlight is that I'll be broke beyond words can describe. There are so many things to look into and without money, they can never happen. Just for my scalp alone, I spent RM5000. How bout that???? Bet anyone wouldn't want to fork out that much money for scalp problems, right? Well, I'm thinking far ahead =P

I'm slowly expanding my lil business, hopefully I'll get some extra cash to cover all those expenses. I can now officially declare myself a busy woman, as I don't think I'll have more time to spend doing silly stuff =P

More Books, Please

I'm counting down to the day where my shelf will be filled with colorful books of various sizes! The BBW sale is on in December and thank God the notice came out early. So no need to worry that it will clash with my 'trip' LOL. I barely read half of the books I bought last year and I'm going to sapu more again! Just the thought of it... =)

Again, I Know

I never planned it. I never wanted to become who I am today. I was not born to do this. It's just to earn a living. I never consider it as a career, but a job instead. Then why am I here? To earn some money. I need a plan B. Other plans are now in the list and how am I to make those things possible without money? Yes, money is secondary to everything else but without it, how to have things to make myself happy? Despite being almost broke every month, I never fail to send some money back. I didn't come from a rich family. Hence, every cent means something to them. I don't mind eating cup mee towards the end of the month if it means being able to lessen their burden. I love my parents =)

All I Want to See is Money

I've been planning my exit for quite a while and I think it's quite possible. I'm signing up for a part time job soon though that place is the least ideal place for me. Anyway, I will try my best to be at places where you can pluck money easily with no frills. There are opportunities out there and from the way I see it, you need to have good rapport and to create a good impression wherever you go. I went to this place where it's the least ideal place for me and I'm in for temporary (2 days) teaching and getting paid! So that extra money will definitely make a huge difference in my life now, seeing how flat my purse is. I've been a very critical person who likes to judge and criticize. Perhaps this time, I'll have to see things from another perspective for the sake of more money.

Our Four-Legged Friends - Dogs

I recently went to Pet Fair in Midvalley. I think it is a yearly event and last year, it was in September. Being there, I felt both happy and sad for some reasons. Of course, there were beautiful and normal-looking dogs. There were also lucky and unfortunate dogs too. I'd like to refer to them as friends. I think the society is now into owning pedigree dog breeds like Beagle, Golden Retriever, Schnauzer, Chihuahua, Great Dane and so forth because it symbolizes their status. It's no doubt that heads will turn for these good-looking dogs because not all can afford to have one or more. I'd love to have one myself but sadly they are too expensive =(

Our not-so-fortunate friends were there too. I read an article in The Star a day before I went there. There was an article on a mongrel named Beyonce. She lost an eye due to some reasons (I can't remember). I remembered feeling down and pitiful for her when reading the article. The next day, when I was walking around, I came to a booth where there had dogs and puppies up for adoption. A black dog looked familiar. She doesn't have an eye. Could it be Beyonce? True enough, a tag on her neck revealed her identity. Part of me was glad to see her being there but part of me felt sad for her too. She must have suffered a great deal. So I made some donations to some of our unfortunate friends; some of which is paralyzed, has only three legs, has scars and wounds, and I can see it in their eyes that they still have sadness, fear and trauma in them. I can't bring myself to hug all of them because being close to them already brought tears to my eyes. So it was later posted in FB that our unfortunate friends were all being adopted and they now have a home. Hopefully their new owners treat them well.

I can never have that kind of love and compassion towards human beings than to dogs. They have no voice, they can't tell if they're in pain, or hungry or if they are in need of something. So I will try to make monthly donations to organizations to help our friends. They are worth my time and money.

Crawling Back into Reality

I can't help but to steal a few minutes to post something here. I've never written as much as I did in these past few weeks. Yes, finally I submitted my PP and though it's with them, I'm still thinking about the upcoming presentation. I want all this to end. Period. My books have been waiting for me to read them since last year. Yes I can always spend 5-10 minutes to read a few pages everyday but hey I'm a psycho. I'd rather stare at my Word document and have nothing to type than to read those books. You know how torturous it was. Anyway, I feel more relaxed now cos there's no more due date to stick to =P

Mouth is Sealed

I was deeply hurt few days back when he made a mean comment on the little child whom I love. What a child is born with has got little connection with what his/her parents have said. If it's what his/her parents have done, yes, I do believe. It's karma. She barely said anything, I suppose. I know her, though not like BFFs but hey I can bet my perky B that she didn't have any mean intention. Why can't he open his 'siham'-like mouth to say something? Is it really difficult to say something and to get away with it? Sometimes to not speak creates more misunderstanding. Sometimes to speak creates misunderstanding too. So in that case, why can't he say anything? I'm sure the languages that he speaks don't sound so alien to her, right? Now I can't help but to think about it. What if it backfires? Sometimes it's difficult living with an alien.

Why Should I?

A lot of times, we make allowances and we give in because we know we can push ourselves a little bit just to give people the joy of letting them have whatever they want. Most of the time, even when it hurts, we still say 'yes', 'sorry', 'okay' and other stuff which don't really portray how we really feel. Is that really necessary? At times, I think I'm done pleasing others because I have pride too. I have ego too! So why should I? I don't care what people think and what they say about me. I have fucking nothing to lose. Do they? Yes, karma. Bla bla bla, say whatever they want because I know I have something big in life to achieve. I don't even have the time to even plan something illegal for them to talk about behind my back. Hey, my back is clean, no shit! What's their big plan in life? Yes, to gossip about other people, offending people and a whole bunch of stupid things. So if there comes a day when they think I should please them due to seniority, sorry, uncles and aunties. Take a number and wait for your turn in your next life. I don't please people. So why is there a perception that younger people should please older people? There is only one possible reason that I can think of. They need to be pleased (butt buttered, ass licked, sole of the feet kissed) because they need to feel important before they die. Yeah, it sounds mean. But come to think of it, I think that explains it. The only older people whom I really respect are my parents and my Sensei. I don't have to please them. Why should I? When I'm being myself, they feel pleased. That's the way it should be! No pretending, no padding the messages and stuff. I'm just being myself =)

Budget Trip - Siem Reap, Cambodia.

I totally missed out on April. I guess there was too much excitement and also the fact that I've forgotten that I've a blog. Last month, I went to Siem Reap, Cambodia, with a bunch of colleagues. I wasn't expecting much because I knew nothing (then) about Siem Reap, Angkor Wat and the temples. Upon arrival, everything became an excitement, especially the figurines, carvings and the artistic designs on practically everything. The weather was hot and dry which explained my wire-like hair for a few days and my tanned skin. Luckily no sun burn or anything hehe. Visiting the temples was an awesome experience. There was a lot of walking, hiking and climbing involved and I'm proud to say that my little bottle accompanied me all the time! I'm a hippo so I cannot run out of water. That, you need to know. There wasn't much shopping cos we were (me, especially) on a budget trip. So, bought some fridge magnets, deco stuff, and some pants and a shirt for myself. In total, I've spent around RM7xx on that trip itself, including flight tickets. I felt proud of myself and guilty at the same time cos the money could be saved up for my wedding. But I seriously needed a break and the flight ticket was bought last year when Air Asia had a promo. Being in another country made me realize how beautiful Malaysia really is (minus the stupid political issues). The weather (not always), the water, the air... No! I think Miri is far better hahaha. Can feel the zen-ness. Despite the ugliness, it's still in a way beautiful when there's nothing to appreciate. Wahahaha.

Food for the Brains

To teach is to be battered
Scrutinized, and drained,
Day after day. We know this
Still, it is never said.

This was taken from a book which I lent from the library. It perfectly describes our profession as a teacher/ lecturer/ educator. We know we're going to face many challenges ahead but we still teach. Just how amazing are we? I guess it has something to do with our ego and stuff too hahaha. Anyway, I don't plan to lecture for a long time but most probably I'll do something related to teaching in the future. I mean what else do I like other than to tell stories and yap in the classroom where students are forced to listen to you? =P

Happy teaching and lecturing <3

Flow of Life - Soups

I'm salivating as I'm blogging about this. I've been thinking about my Mother's signature soups some time ago. So I had to put a stop to my cravings. I'm going to Ah Yip's Herbal Soup restaurant tomorrow or few days later to have some herbal soups. Soup is essential in any chinese meals and believe me, when you're too into other cuisine such as Indian or Western cuisine and you haven't had any soup for a while, you'll feel the emptiness inside creeping out hahaha. I've been having Indian food quite a lot recently and yesterday I was hit hard by my cravings for some delicious soup. When my request to drop by at a hawker stall which sells soup was turned down, I cooked instant noodle immediately after I went back to the house. I guess I just wanted to drink some soup. So I got artificial curry soup. Wasn't nice but it was ok.

I guess in all types of dishes, I can cook soups better than other dishes. Soup has always been a vital part of our meals when I was at Home. My parents will never stinge on ingredients. If half a chicken is what it takes to make a soup tasty, it will go in! And most of the ingredients used are authentic. No processed or artificially flavored stuff hehe. Ok, enough blogging about soups now, it will drown this page =P

Things and Many More Things

F I N A L L Y

Everything is kinda set as planned. If He told me earlier, my life wouldn't be so miserable for a couple of damned weeks. Now it doesn't really matter anymore because I'm in charge! Thank God I have a handful of really supportive people who support me through the good and bad times. God bless them. Without them, I think I would have emotional breakdown and God knows, what would that lead to.

I will not say that I'll be having my dream wedding because having a person like Him as a husband, the word 'Romantic' and 'Surprises' are not in his dictionary. I think I do both things most of the time. Talking about chivalry being dead. So gone were the days when men would hold doors open for Women, do the talking and stuff. I guess Women demonstrating independence now turns them on. That's the only reason I can come up with to console myself, reminding myself that men are no longer needed, but WANTED instead. I know a great Man would be reading this, he is an exception =)

See? My thoughts go astray very easily nowadays. I can be talking about one issue and the next thing I know, I'll end up talking about something else. This is what happens when I'm multi-tasking. A + B + C = Chaos. I lose my beauty sleep, I worry myself like shit and I'm all cuckoo.

Mad Man

Little did they know what's concealed behind those cages
Mixed, unstirred feelings that have been untouched for ages
Like a man who wears glasses
Don't be fooled by your unprotected guesses.

Little bird born and kept in a mini prison
With little experience, you cannot reason
Wanting to fly, you are wary
Tell me little bird, what is so scary?

A mute boy cannot curse God for his unheard speeches
Why is it that you speak before you think?
Every action has its consequences
Harsh words lashed cannot be taken back.

Lil Pup

I'm down with flu and sore throat after coming back from my CNY and Cameron holidays. It gets worse starting yesterday but I'm not taking MC cos next week is going to be a long holiday. Thought of waiting till next week but it seems impossible haha. I left office pretty early these few days and yesterday was slightly later. So after taking my shower and collapsed on my bed for a short nap (I know it's unusual to take a nap in the evening hehe), my Hon woke me up. Told me about a pup in front of our house and how the pup looked at him with sad pitiful eyes. I was up the moment he mentioned the word 'Pup'; and I wanted to just run down and check it out. Unfortunately I was too tired so I waited until just before dinner time.

I went outside and stood next to the gate, hoping to see the lil fella. I only heard a faint whimpering somewhere but nothing was in sight. So I guessed it (or shall I say 'she') must have been somewhere hidden. So I looked into the drain and found it sitting just at the edge of the inner part of the drain. How beautiful! So I went out and picked her up and out of the drain. She walked around happily and even walked into our compound. He (you know who!) chased the lil fella out saying that she might not want to leave the compound. I was furious but I said nothing. She stayed outside on the patch of grass and curled up, closing her eyes. My heart broke into nano pieces seeing that scenario. What would happen if it rains?

So I plotted my plans. I planned to bring her to my office if she's still there the next morning. And perhaps spend some money buying her decent food; since she's a lil bit scrawny. But today she was not there anymore. Hopefully her mother brings her to somewhere safe from mean people and destructive children!

Our society will never be the same as the people on the other side of the world. How troublesome can it be to save an animal and provide some food and maybe temporary shelter? May God bless the lil fella. Amitofo.

Gong Xi Fa Cai

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

CNY is just a few days away and I'm not done with my shopping. I guess I'll continue with my shopping tomorrow. Bought RM100 worth of CNY products today at Jusco to bring back home =) Was frantically looking for CNY food, didn't really notice that it was right before the entrance. So went inside and came out with 4 things only -.-

This year is the worst year cos I only bought one shirt and a pair of pants only so far! When I go back tomorrow, I'll have to hunt for clothes. Can't be wearing the same clothes for a few days right? =P

What I'm looking forward to the most is the reunion dinner. And this year, everyone will be celebrating my birthday! Hahaha. I'll look out for a cake to buy and perhaps some nice drinks too.

Been really tired running around since last week. So I gtg sign off and get some sleep =) Happy Chinese New Year, readers =)

Four Walls

So I've shifted into a new office today and everything was a mess. My students helped me moved my stuff and I promised I'll reward them. So I asked if they wanted food & drinks or marks =P all except one said that they wanted marks. Reason being, they did poorly in their tests. So they were willing to be my slaves for like half an hour just to earn the marks. Hehehe. One student said he didn't want anything, that he helped me for free. I smiled. I will still give him what he deserved. And one parasite student who came late to the class just walked around tagging along doing nothing. When he wrote his name on the book, I asked what did he help. He said, 'I was holding the door for them'. Bloody hell. I let him wrote his name but he's not going to pass my paper. Skip classes, didn't submit assignments, did poorly in his test and shying away from knowledge and civilization! I wonder what are they thinking. Is spending money and pretending to study in another country a joke?? Whatever it is, I don't take these kind of people seriously anymore.

I think I'll bring my Somdej and put it in my office. Hopefully it will cheer the place up a bit =)